I did not write this poem for the sake of writing a poem. This was an act of worship and an act of warfare against the internal battles I fought over the last 4 months. I know, it is really long. But I wanted it to be a full depiction of what I went through. Every line of the poem is exactly 7 syllables (in the Bible, the number 7 is symbolic of completion). Six two-lined stanzas appear throughout the poem to provide narration and framework to the story. I think that is a sufficient introduction. Enjoy.
My King
This poem tells of a journey,
Four months in a short story:
It’s been a difficult road,
By far, hardest of my life.
But human eyes could not see,
The abundance of my strife.
A fierce internal battle,
My faith – severely tested.
To see if my faith was real,
Was not left uncontested.
Vision, tasks, passion was stripped,
To build better foundations,
On values, love, truth, friendship,
And the Bible’s quotations.
I walked into the valley,
Was tested by the devil.
Not a battle of the flesh,
But at the spirit level.
August first, two-thousand ten,
The vicious battle begun.
And countless times since that day,
Wanted to give up and run.
A lie would enter my mind,
And then I would fire back.
Ev’ry minute, ev’ry day,
It was a constant attack.
Glance into battle scene,
A lie, then truth as vaccine:
You are insignificant.
You should have been aborted.
The universe has no God.
Your hopeless life is thwarted.
No, I am not! I am not!
Stop all these forsaken lies.
This shit is not from my God.
I keep my eyes on the prize.
You have lived the last five years,
For this so-called “Jesus Christ.”
But you wasted all your time,
He is nothing but a heist.
Jesus is alive! He is!
Death did not win over Him.
I will proudly waste my life,
In praise like the seraphim.
Judaism and Islam,
Eastern ones and thousands more.
With so many religions,
Can’t know which one will restore.
World history and logic,
Human need, reality.
The Bible’s got it covered;
For its truth will set me free.
People don’t need Jesus Christ,
He provides no inner peace.
He is not the way and truth,
Your freedom will surely cease.
I only know inner peace,
‘Cause I’m a son to my King.
Freedom and love will abound
When to the “I AM” I cling.
Give up on your distressed life,
Stop fighting, do not press on.
You do not belong to God.
From your life He has withdrawn.
I have the Holy Spirit,
Forever He lives in me.
And He cries “Abba! Father!”
“I am His son,” I decree.
As your dad deserted you,
Before the day of your birth,
Your God will abandon you,
Because your life has no worth.
Stop lying to me, devil!
Enough of your foul deceit!
God will never forsake me,
In Him I face no defeat.
All your prayers are pointless.
Myles, you will always fail.
The words you speak mean nothing,
And God’s Word will fall like hail.
My prayers feel unanswered.
How would I ever succeed?
The words I speak feel empty.
Is God’s truth power or creed?
At times, I did not respond,
And just wanted to abscond:
I would cry in bed at night,
Pray and hope for a new day.
The sun came through the window,
But again lies would replay.
These tortuous lies and more,
A tornado in my head,
Uprooted all inner peace,
And left me feeling brain dead.
Love, tenacity, sound mind –
Where on earth did it all go?
Confidence, courage, and strength –
Felt lost in a storm of snow.
Testimonies, prophecies –
Million miles away.
Stories from UCLA –
Memories of an old way.
Prayer was a boxing match,
I punched, scrapped, battled, and bled.
Would put my arms down to rest,
But took a shot to my head.
With my brothers and sisters,
I felt detached and inept.
Their encouragement and love,
So hard for me to accept.
Confusion and mind-racing,
Uncertainty, disbelief.
My mind constantly scrambled,
In pursuit of some relief.
Miracles, signs, and good deeds
No longer mattered to me.
No care about my impact,
As long as I was set free.
And the greatest temptation,
Not lust, hatred, or a lie.
But a mediocre life,
Lay down my dreams and comply.
But, as I walked on this sea
God and my friends carried me:
Glimpses of hope were present,
But I don’t credit myself.
For my body already gave up,
Put itself on the shelf.
God’s Spirit inside of me,
In midst of this depression,
Reminded me of Jesus:
Life, death, and resurrection.
He led me on a faith walk,
Through the rain, across the land,
Holding onto promises,
That felt like wind in my hand.
Though I did not see, I walked.
I did not hear. I followed.
I did not yearn. I obeyed.
I did not feel. I believed.
My journal is full of cries,
Black ink on tear-stained pages.
But now, the son is rising,
Through four months of dark ages.
From C-A, P-A, T-X,
K-S, N-C and A-Z,
Awesome brother and sisters,
Prayed for and encouraged me.
God heard all of their prayers,
Their words were not said in vain,
They caught my tears, held my heart,
And dressed the wounds from my pain.
Stand on truth, not on feeling.
Only His Word brings healing:
I thought Jesus had left me
But that was a straight up LIE.
Jesus said, “I won’t leave you.”
So that TRUTH I must apply.
Jesus! I repent for my doubts,
Help the unbelief in me!
Jesus, Your love is so great.
Only truth will set me free.
God’s one son died on the cross,
He took God’s wrath and death’s sting.
But now, Jesus is alive.
And that truth solves everything.
You see, Jesus Christ triumphed,
Over demons, death, and sin.
So now I’m free forever,
Life, peace and joy reign within.
That means, He paid for those lies,
And the inner turmoil,
I will now fight with victory,
And Satan’s plans will foil.
He uncovered smothered dreams,
To transform economies.
See spirit, soul, body healed,
In global societies.
Don’t want a theology,
That will only comfort me.
I want to glow like Moses,
Be a light for all to see.
Not a religion or rules,
Nor a nice philosophy.
I yearn for an encounter,
Between my Jesus and me.
God sent His begotten Son;
For my Father so loved me.
So now I am adopted,
A son in God’s family.
Nothing can separate us,
You gave me a wedding ring.
You are everything to me,
Jesus Christ, You are my King.
You gave me a wedding ring.
Jesus Christ, You are my King.
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